WIREDGOV

Blog posted by: Kiran Chahal, Government Communication Service Applied Innovation Lead, 01 August 2024.

If you work in marketing, you know how to communicate effectively with your audiences. Your objectives are SMART, your KPIs are baselined and you’ve asked the right questions in your focus groups. You’ve created, tested and refined your messages and pushed your stellar OASIS plan Sisyphus-style through at least 10 stakeholder approvals. Having got the green light (hurrah!) you eagerly await your campaign’s launch during tonight’s ad break, which 91% of your target audience tune into. Coincidence? No, you planned it this way. Everything’s primed for you to get their attention at the right time, in the right way with a compelling call to action.

That’s part of the job after all. However, we’re not always as well prepared when it comes to communicating difficult feedback to our colleagues.

Lucky for us, researching our colleagues’ media consumption habits prior to every feedback chat isn’t necessary. This would be both onerous and creepy. But, it’s important to avoid going into the conversation completely cold. While there’s plenty of advice on how to give difficult feedback effectively, there’s always room to challenge our existing thinking. And us marketers know a message repeated is a message reinforced.

That’s why I’m sharing my own feedback tips, which have evolved significantly during my 12 years in corporate roles. Leading a workshop on the ‘Art of Feedback’, I asked colleagues their thoughts on hearing the word ‘feedback’ at work. ‘Growth’ and ‘development’ were encouraging. ‘Fear’, ‘anxiety’ and ‘spurious’ were just as valid. 

Feedback given and received well hones empathy, strengthens relationships, boosts confidence and encourages self-awareness. Done badly, it causes mistrust, siloed working and communication breakdown. It’s easy to see how poor feedback practice, which includes no feedback at all, impacts morale and company culture.

So, what’s the best way to give and receive difficult feedback at work?  For example, addressing poor behaviour, sub-standard work, team tensions or fraught interactions. I don’t have all the answers but here’s what I’ve learnt so far (and I’m still learning):

1. Context 

 – When

Put the ‘consider’ into considerate when arranging a feedback discussion. If you’re the feedback giver, avoid, for example, ‘a quick chat’ after your colleague’s been in meetings all day, en route to lunch or logging off pre-leave. This leaves little room for them to decompress from busier parts of the day. The time has to be right for both of you for the conversation to be productive, especially when the topic’s sensitive. 

As the feedback ‘receiver’, the word ‘feedback’ without context can cause anxiety. To alleviate this, ask for specifics. Shared knowledge helps avoid any power imbalance and can give you a stronger sense of control. It’s fair to want to know details in advance. Say you’d prefer to speak once you have more context, if that’s the case. 

It might be uncomfortable receiving difficult feedback at short notice. Rather than responding instantly, consider saying you’d like more time before resuming the conversation. Taking a ‘pause’ is one of the best lessons I’ve learned when giving and receiving feedback. This gives you mental space to better understand and reflect on your own and your colleague’s view.

Taken from Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen’s book ‘Thanks for the Feedback’, this article is an excellent resource which explains how truth, relationship and identity triggers shape our response to feedback, alongside six helpful steps on how to become a better receiver of feedback. Recognising any cognitive distortions you might have is equally important. 

What’s your frame of mind pre-feedback discussion? Mental and physical health, neurodivergence, triggering words and cultural sensitivities all play a part. Are either of you feeling overworked or even underworked? Be mindful of these stress-inducing scenarios, which will affect how you communicate with each other.

 – How

To prevent being in ‘passive receiver’ mode, which can feel disempowering, try proactively requesting regular feedback from people you work with. Help yourself and your colleagues by being specific about the kind feedback you’re seeking. Asking for feedback shows you’re interested in perspectives other than your own. It can also help prevent you from feeling caught off guard during, for example, end of year performance reviews. Although daunting at first, with practice, asking for regular feedback becomes normalised and helps hone your communication and active listening skills, particularly in challenging contexts. 

Mutual feedback can help to guard against a top-down feedback culture, where only senior colleagues feed back to junior colleagues. This works most effectively if colleagues seek, give and receive feedback honestly, respectfully and with emotional intelligence (see ‘respect’ below). The newly updated GCS evaluation cycle (now a cyclical model) reinforces the importance of continuous evaluation during the campaign life-cycle, to apply real-time learnings. Try applying the same principle to feedback. This can provide a good temperature check to avoid surprising feedback down the line. 

 – Who

Am I the right person to be giving/receiving this feedback? If communication has strayed into uncomfortable or tense territory, or there’s too much bias involved, consider involving someone neutral to help guide the conversation or offer advice. For example, during most of my Civil Service career, Fair Treatment representatives have been on hand to give an objective view, in a safe space. 

 – Where

What are the right conditions to give and receive this feedback: in person, by email, or via phone? If in the office, book a room with no likelihood of disruption. Agreeing your whereabouts in advance shows you’re respecting each other’s privacy.

2. Relevance

We know common daily stresses adversely affect our behaviour. If your colleague’s actions seem out of character, there could be an underlying reason. As the ‘giver’, it’s helpful to weigh up the impact of the behaviour when deciding if a conversation’s needed. Does it need to be discussed before the behaviour becomes a pattern? Use your judgement of the scenario to decide.

3. Benefit

What do you want from this conversation? Are those aims realistic? It’s important you both benefit from the conversation, as equals rather than through a parent-child dynamic. How do you want each other to feel/react? Why? How will you challenge your assumptions? As the receiver, are there any gaps in knowledge that the giver might be unaware of? Help fill the gaps with an initial chat. This could negate the need for further, formal conversation.

4. Respect

No-one wants to feel lousy after a feedback chat. We’re advised to focus our language on behaviours rather than personality, to use ‘I’ statements and balance constructive/positive feedback. These are important techniques. However, without genuine respect for who we’re communicating with, they can fall flat. 

Needing to ‘win’ has no place when giving or receiving feedback. Say what you mean with clarity, respect, professionalism and honesty.  Use direct (not to be confused with rude) language to avoid misunderstanding. Jargon and corporate-speak might be tempting to try to soften our words but often creates confusion.

5. Trust

Trusting colleagues takes time while you build work relationships. But an absence of trust doesn’t have to mean mistrust. I often find these increasingly binary modes of thinking lead us into wary ‘all or nothing’ territory. While trust is being built, you can still have a productive conversation by assuming good intentions. Conversely, mistrust can strengthen our negative bias, causing us to become defensive in a way that makes resolution difficult. 

6. Ego out, emotional intelligence in

I find it a misnomer when I hear people warn against being ‘emotional’ at work. It’s how you use your emotional awareness that’s important. Recognise how you’re both responding to each other’s words and non-verbal communication. How and why are your emotions affecting the discussion? Use your emotional intelligence to adapt or pause the conversation, based on your responses. Give yourself time to feel, reflect, assess and then (if it’s needed) respond. Approach the discussion with a desired outcome and an open mind, for when that outcome needs to change. 

How do my tips compare to your own learnings on giving/receiving difficult feedback? Is there anything I’ve missed? Let me know – kiran.chahal@cabinetoffice.gov.uk 

General feedback tips:

• Find the Coaching in criticism
• The Art of Delivering Constructive Feedback
• Helping Others Use Constructive Feedback

Reflective practice guides:

• The Johari Window
• Gibbs Reflective Cycle
• The Five Whys
• What? So what? Now what?
• Cognitive Distortions